


Merida and Astrid: The Absesses Of The Heart

by Carliro



Series: PIXAR Crossovers [3]
Category: Disney - All Media Types, Disney Animated Fandoms, Disney Princesses, How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
Genre: F/F, Love, Peace, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-31
Updated: 2013-08-31
Packaged: 2017-12-25 05:17:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/949057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carliro/pseuds/Carliro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merida goes on a diplomatic mission, and finds her soul half.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Merida and Astrid: The Absesses Of The Heart

"I'M THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!" says Merida, riding the waves in her badass boat.

Merida is going on a diplomatic mission. As a princess, she is expected to fullfill her political roles proactively now, and the vikings of Berk Island issued alliance with Scottland. Princess Merida is going to personally fullfill the necessary traditions for the agreement to be an effective political pact, and not a flimsy alliance of decadent dubious despair. She rides the waves in her royal boat with the heads of Mannan Mac Lir and of primal dragons on it, all the while her crew holds on the best they can, barfing up gruesome stomachal contents like boar flesh, blood-reddened berries, carrots, gannet bones and lusitanian vaginas. One of the guards is swooped off by the storm, but Merida throws him a rope before the cackling Njord god can feast on his dick!

"You shouldn't go off into the sea like that, you know" Merida reprimands wisely.

The guard throws her a glare of absolute "you gotta be shitting me", but Merida ignores. She is having way to much fun to stop! Unfortunately for her, and to the endless praise to Lugh and Sunna by the rest of the crew, the storm ends, the evil Vanir Njord descends into the pitiless abyss, and the sea calms, revealing the land of sunshine and beauty that is Berk Island. Merida is disappointed, but lightens up as she sees the reception, all the vikings gathered in a procession with colourful banners and golden flowers being thrown everywhere, as well as delicious roasted boar and sacrificial victims to Odin being displayed for everyone to take a bite off! And, most impressively, massive flocks of dragons with rosaceus wing membranes and colourful flames fly around in a ballet of welcome, happiness and lust.

"Welcome dear princess!" says Stoick the Vast fatherly.

He bows to kiss her hand, but Merida goes for a manly handshake instead, which Stoick responds with much apreciative gusto. He is liking this princess character already.

"Pleasure to meet" she says proudly, "I already love this island!"

"That is very good to hear! Scottland's fields are also proud and green, though I still preffer the vast open ocean to any known lands."

"The sentiment is shared. I love the storms right off the shore!"

"You caught a good one. Generally we try to ward off the evil gods of the seas, but your mother insisted that we kept this one on. She told me how much you love adventure and daring. Anyways, let me assist you with the packing."

Stoick claps his hands, and the vikings go to carefully retrieve Merida's stuff and the still weak-kneed crew. Merida herself is guided by Stoick through the procession, partaking in the party activities. For example, she joins the men in a game of overwhelming a Boneknapper with hammers. The dragon does not mind, his bones are reinforced by steel. All men fail, their arm bones and musculature broken and ruptured by the impact of hammering a Boneknapper, but Merida grabs the hammer and strikes at full force! The Boneknapper's armour is broken, and so are all of his bones, exposing the putrid marrow and rupturing the internal organs and tissues, killing him and showering everyone in the vicinity. Merida licks and drinks the blood with much gusto, and everyone applauds to the princess, handing her the Berk Island gold trophy of the Boneknapper challenge. One person in particular claps louder: a blonde nordic girl with extensive armour and interesting musculature.

"What's your name?" Merida asks, in platonic interest and maybe something more?

"Oh, I'm Astrid Hofferson, your highness. I'm the previous winner of the contest, and I must say I'm impressed. To be honest, I thought you were just a pretty princess, but know I see you are a truly powerful woman."

"Yeah, I'm used to it. So, wanna compete in more contests?"

"Hel yeah! I'm not going to give up on being the strongest one here!"

Merida scoffs playfully, and both wander off to look for more contests to participate in. One contest is about who is strong and resourceful enough to strangle an auroch with his/her bare hands. Most of the contestants have been gored to death, but Astrid jumps on the evil cow and snaps it's neck with her bare hands. Merida jumps on another bull, and inserts her fingers on it's nostrils, crushing and smashing blood vessels and piercing muscle until she reaches a nervous buddle. The auroch then proceeds to shit itself to death, defecating bloody diarrhea and then it's internal organs. She wins.

"No fair! You won two contests!"

"Chill out, there's still more contests where you can win!"

But before they can get into anymore contests, an evil midget teenager with a hook for a leg appears. He is aided by a black demon dragon with panther like vigor and diabolical eyes, smirking obscenities at existence itself.

"ASTRID! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT-"

Then he notices Merida, and smirks pervertly with much horrendous lust, flickering his tongue like a devil snake in rapist desire. Merida is instantly disgusted by this pathetic weirdo.

"Why, hello there, princess" he says, staring at her boobs, "I'm Hiccup, Stoick's son. Sorry I couldn't be there for your arrival, but I can still make it up to you... in my BED!"

Merida swallows up bile going up her throat.

"Thanks for your offer, but I won't go anywhere near your house without your father's presence."

"Oh, so you want a threesome with my dad? Kinky..."

Then he grabs her breasts, but Merida punches him in the face, dislodging incivors on the upper jaw. Astrid claps her hands, but gasps in worry as Stoick appears.

"Daddy the princess whore has hit me! Scottland is a land of betraying barbarians! Kill her!" Hiccup whines and cries pettily.

Much to Astrid and Merida's relief, Stoick viciously delivers a blow to Hiccup's solar plexus, making him exhale his putrid breath of salmon flavour.

"Shut the fuck up Hiccup! First you didn't welcome Merida, going off instead to fondle harlots' breasts and fuck little girls, then you try to molest her!? What the Hel is wrong with you!?"

Hiccup whines and cries some more, then delivers a death glare at Merida.

"Lets go Astrid, you've been way to much time with this mewling quim instead of sucking my cock!"

"No Hiccup, I'm not going to be with you anymore, not if you keep being this selfish and rapist!"

"Fine! Toothless, kill them!"

The devil dragon smirks with much pleasure as he conjures up a ball of lightning. But Merida grabs her sword, and reflects the evil electricity back at it's owner! Toothless begins to convulse viciously as the lightning imposes it's divine justice, his skin ripping off and his flesh blackening, the eyes exploding like blood baloons and the teeth being dislodged from the gums. The claws pop off, and the remaining tail airfoil is roasted and becomes little more than a dissecated fin. The wings themselves rupture, the pneumatic foramina on the wing arm bone elements exhaling copious amounts of carboniferous air into the membrane, which quickly bursts, is ripped apart and becomes subject to extensive necrosis, becoming of a sickly brown and black whilst oozing white and green pus. Toothless is still alive, if only by the lightning's righteous decision to not let this abomination embrace the soothing mysts of Helheim.

"No! My remaining unjudging ally that is a sarcastic extension of my will! Merida, you will have my revenge, Scottland whore!"

With that said, Hiccup drags the demonic reptile he calls Toothless away, back to his dungeon-like habitation, a trail of blood and pus trailing his path. Stoick smiles warmly at Merida. She is just like the daughter he never had, defending with justice against Jötunn worshippers like his devil son. Merida smiles back, and is hugged by a thankful Astrid. The princess blushes; being hugged by this strong woman feels good in ways she cannot describe, and a part of her soul thinks that maybe she can be what Hiccup the perv will never be. Stoick smiles understandingly, and they wordlessly wander to the village's hall, where a feast is awaiting them. Stoick takes the main sit, with Merida right next to him, and Astrid next to Merda. Hiccup's sit is set on fire and desecrated as a celebratory rite to begin the feast.

"To the prosperous alliance of Scottland and Berk Island!" Stoick proclaims, rising his mead filled horn in congratulation.

"To the prosperous alliance!" mimics Merida, and all applaud in agreement.

Everyone has a great time, music by wonderous bards filling the air with tales of Thor's defeat of the devil Jötunn by crossdressing, celebrating the womanly power and vigor today expressed. Mead and wine are distributed in abundance, and boars, goats, bears and dolphins are served as the main feast, greedily devoured after a day of celebrations. Astrid rips off the leg of a bear and takes massive bites with her gingivitis maw, and offers to Merida. Merida mentally whinces at the thought of eating her mother, but they also eat Odin's sacrifice victims, so it's alright, she supposes, and takes a bite. The succulent flesh still has blood in it, and Astrid's strawberryful saliva is very pleasant to taste. She smailes and kisses Astrid in the forehead, and it's the blonde girl's turn to blush. She smiles warmly and retributes the act, kissing the scottish dismantled redhead with a soft chaste kiss in the lips. They both leave the scene of debauchery with Stoick's understanding and proud nod, and the two girls run outside of the hall. They kiss against the wall, their tongues wrestling in passionful abandon, Merida rubbing her tongue on Astrid's necrotic bleeding gums with much pleasure. The blonde girl withraws and kisses the redhead's rosaceus cheeks tenderly. They hug each other, Astrid's manly hands passing through the crimson jungle Merida calls hair as she nibbles her ear. Her tongue intrudes and licks the thick yellow wax, making Merida moan with much wonder and desire. She removes the armour of the ear-licking woman, exposing her armour-flattened breasts that inflate back to life like stepped on grass. She fondles them softly, pinching the black nipples with sensual brevity, making them lactate putrid milk like roquefort cheese. The breasts have bite marks, almost certainly from the devil rapist known as Hiccup, now sadly cancerous with black bile beneath the skin.

It is Merida's turn to undress, and she does so sensually, removing her princess gown and exposing her sweaty, unwashed skin. Brown stains of blood - menstrual or otherwise - shit - hers or from parasites - and of mats of fleas and ticks are common, focused primarily on her armpits and urogenital area. A lamprey is attached to her clitoris, making it look like a huge brown tentacle. Warts are arranged in a heart shapened pattern beneath her navel. The overall stench is not too dissimilar from that of an elephant's arse. Naturall, Astrid is very aroused by this, her pussy oozing vaginal fluids of much love and lust that flow down her legs, covered by menstural blood and diarrhea stains, down into the ground, blessing the island of Berk with the final ritual for it's alliance with Scotland. Astrid kisses her lover, licking her way down into her sweatful neck as she moans, fingering her pussy. It is a cave filled with various warts, oysters and ticks. Lancelets dance in passion and lust, and a bat nurses her child within the uterus. She flies off, a symbol of Merida's love and life within her soul. Merida retributes the flavour, and reaches her manly hand to touch Astrid's thick, cigar-like clitoris and tumour filled vulva with cancerous tissue, oozing yellow pus and filled with maggots and barnacles. Fortunately, her hymen was intact, that perv Hiccup being unsuccessful, and Merida has the wonderous task of devirginating Astrid, her shit-encrosted nails rupturing the membranes and adding the blood to the pus. The parasites move upwards in the cunt, establishing a newer, wider home.

"I'm about to cum" says Astrid, and both girls orgasm, their passion fulfilled and so the alliance.

Merida and Astrid rest on the ground, holding each other in each other's arms as the mystical pact is formed, and Berk Island is officially aligned with Scottland. But an evil roar fills the night sky, and Toothless arrives, with Hiccup riding him. The devil teenager laughs maniacally, and swoops downwards, burning a building!

"No! How is that possible!?"

Hiccup had rebuilt Toothless, adding artifical machinery of malevolent unnaturality to replace the damaged tissues! The cyborg Night Fury is no longer stealthy, but can now fire carcinogenic light beams that melt off the eyes of the vikings! Hiccup stares downards and sees the two naked girls.

"Mm, naked lesbo sex! I didn't know you were into it, Astrid! And like every good lesbos, you must submit to my cock!" cackles the demon boy like a madman.

He then takes off his pants, revealing a putrid cock covered in brown crust, shit from women's and goats' asses, with a massive gray tumour consuming most of the head, oozing a necrotic vile semen of vitric quality. He jumps off the Toothless, and clicks on a button on the hook. The girls can't believe it! The malevolent unnatural articifial leg has become an helicopter rotor! That evil scientist teenager would be able to hoover and grab them to rape them on the air!

"Quick Astrid, a bow!" shouts Merida.

Astrid procures in her clothes, and finds a bow and arrows. The princess then grabs the bow and fires the arrows at the madboy. The arrows hit Hiccup's distatesful penis, torrents of black blood and necrotic precum falling from the sky on random vikings, corrupting them into troll-like abominations.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH, MY PENIS- HAHAHAHA, LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID, SHITTY WOMEN! YOU GRANTED ME AN ARMY! GO FORTH AND GRAB THEM, ORC VIKINGS, AND PREPARE THEM TO BE RAPED BY ME!" yells Hiccup madly, rotating around in the air with his rotors with no rhyme or reason.

The rotor blades cut Toothless' robotic wings, however, so he goes down crashing into the ground, exploding violently and thus killing off the army.

"NO, MY PERFECT MISOGYNISTIC ORCS! ASTRID AND MERIDA YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!"

Astrid calls forth her bird dragon mutant of azure hue, and she and her love fly on top of this horrendous lizard-cockatoo with no right to exist to meet the demented perv boy. Hiccup is consumed by lust, so he rises to try to grab Merida's breasts. Unfortunately, doing this exposes his head and torso to the rotor's blades, and thus his upperbody is violently ripped apart by the cutting metal: first it's the back of his head, a deep cut passing through his scalp and cuting right through his brain, throwing necrotic brain matter everywhere. Still alive but reduced only to his most basic, perverted drives, he keeps on going, exposing the torso, which is viciously striken upon by the other blade, destroying his thoraxic cage, dorsal column, and reducing the lungs and heart to a shower of gore. The final strike is produced against his head again, the violence of these strikes rotating the head in 230º degrees, allowing for the face to be cut. The blade cuts right through the eyes and nose, severing completly the upper skull from the pitiful maxilla, jaw and nasal bones, destroying the brain completly in the process. The mutilated upper body falls on a pile of cow shit, while the body beneath the thoraxic cage remains on the air, suspended by the still moving rotors. Unfortunately, the diminuished weight sends the rotors flying upwards, and the blades cut through the bird dragon's belly, acting as a blender, reducing all of the body into a bloody pulp. With no other option, the two girls jump off, leaving the pitiful reptile-pidgeon to be righteously destroyed.

"Looks like this is the end" says a tearful Merida, hugging her love as they fall.

"Well, for all that's worth, my life would have been meaningless without you" reassures Astrid.

"I love you so much" said Astrid, kissing her lover tenderly.

But suddenly Stoick jumps on a roof and grabs the falling girls in middair, jumping on a pile of pig turd that cushions the fall.

"You saved us!" says a Merida with pig shit on her hair.

"I couldn't let my adoptive daughter die, could I?" said Stick proudly.

Everyone cheers, raising the heroines and their soul-father from the anal pig mud. Hiccup the demented evil nerd freak is dead, and Scottland's pact with Berk Island is reassured, through the material father-daughter love of Merida and Stoick and the divine love between her and her future wife, Astrid. They all hug, celebrating the ties that bring humanity, and indeed all of nature, together in harmonious concert as dictated by the gods. Our heroes to bathe themselves in the ocean, cleansing away the miasma of horror and strife, and emerging victorious over the kingdom of life. Tomorrow there will be final paper work to do, but for now the true, divine peaceful that will forever last is complete for all eternity, and so they join the festivities once again.


End file.
